After four and half years I find myself on the other side of the fence again, watching the only person in the world who understands me the best walk out my door and knowing that I was the one who decided on this. If anything that makes it harder. I grew up with that boy, matured with him, learned all I know about emotions and sex and life and whatever else with him. My entire universe was concentrated on his existence--and I cut it out. I told myself to wake up and step outside the box. Maybe he'll still be there when I come crashing down. Or maybe it'll be okay, for real this time.

I'm glad nobody reads journals anymore.

Chasi and Lindz, if you do happen to pop on DA and see me alive and kicking--send me an IM or something. Even if I don't respond at the time, and all. I miss you both terribly. There was something about us and our little fantasy world that was completely separate from Justin and I'd do just about anything to simply talk to you again. You two are probably the only ones who'll read this anyhow.